We live in a digital age where “meeting” someone online is as easy as an accidental swipe to the right (thank you, Tinder). They might be their stated age, but they’re probably 25. Or 18. (Don’t ever believe the internet. I actually have Tinder classified under Games on my phone.)
The questions that OKCupid stocks look like something out of a Dr. Seuss porno:
Would you put this here? Would you do it with more beer?
Would you do it with this fox? How much fits within your box?
It doesn’t help that I live in Never-Never-Land, where every male over the age of 40 thinks he’s George Clooney, every girl has had some sort of [nose/boob/surgical]-job, and all people seem to care about is what you do for a living and how many days you go to the gym.
I actually had a conversation this week that went something like this:
OKCupid says: You like each other, you should say hi!
Guy: So, it looks like we’re in like!
Me: OKC is so quick to label people! Next week, I’ll swipe up and accidentally have a husband!
Guy: That was a joke. I’m not husband material.
Me: I was also joking. But, that’s good to know.
*deletes conversation and blocks person*
I don’t even know the number of people who mentioned sex, porn, conjugal visits, or hinted at having some “fun” together from these online dating sites.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I can slut it up with the best of them. I also give less than a fuck about what you do with your body … but seriously? It’s a dating pool. If you contaminate it (either literally or by leading others to believe that all the people in the pool are slutty little guppies), you’re ruining it for the rest of us who may seriously be looking for someone to date long-term. It’s like there are free internet hookers on all the dating sites, so all the ones who don’t want to start talking about sex are prudes. Know what I haven’t been known as in a really long time: a prude.
I think the thing that really gets to me is this: we’ve turned these “dating” sites into instant gratification porn hubs.
If you’re looking for people on internet sites so that you can sleep with them, there are plenty of other (better!) sites out there: Check out Fetlife.com or adultfriendfinder.com or ashleymadison.com (I’m sure there are more). It’s hard enough finding someone who doesn’t look like a troll and who will give me the time of day.
Please, for all that is good and holy: have a modicum of respect for yourselves.